Curvily Yours: 1.2 My Tuesday.

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck  fuck fuck.......deep well of emotion coiled into a snake of tension in my back and my chest and my head trying to comprehend and release but finding no channels no freeway to find my way home to there. that place where it all makes sense where nothing and anything can happen to. within. your body and dimension. That place where I can breathe deep and fall into a pit a of despair .Where I can be heard and seen. been.

Authenticity and real in my meal of deal and rhyming wheel. spiel. Connect. disconnect. run cry hide, find answers in the been and why.

Curvily Yours: The end of Day 1.1

Home at last, what a long day. It didn't seem long though. I think I was just hyper aware of actually being there today. It seems surreal that I am in Teacher Training at all.

To be here today is amazing to me on so many levels. Especially after last years utter disappointment. On top of the back injury, which I actually spoke to in class today. I seem to almost choke on emotion when talking about such things. In that first instant it totally overwhelms me and I find it hard to breath. I find my body racked with unexpected sobs. It makes me wonder where I keep all of that sadness. I suppose my teacher would say "in your curves".

Afterwards a girl asked me "why do you think you got choked up about it". I don't remember what I responded to her. But honestly, it was traumatic. The fall, the aftermath, the recovery. Wondering if I would ever get back to where I was. Coming into it from such a place of strength and final understanding and then losing it all. This mainly has been bringing up all of the walls that I am struggling with in my own journey.

Curvily Yours: First Day

Our secret society awaits. As I see the light reflected on my dash. I realize that my choice of outfit today is perfectly me. Comfy, casual, sporty, sparkly. 

This is real, it is not a dream. here's pride awareness tears journey is officially begin  and I am sparkling on the way there. on my way there with every breath galaxy of lights play across the visor, dash, and steering wheel of my car.

Curvily Yours: Prepping for Teacher Training

Over the past few days I have been hunting and gathering for all things necessary to start my new adventure tomorrow. I hit up target, victoria's secret, mika yogawear, and then target again.

On the docket...warm comfies, journals, and some workout wear.

I was just discussing tomorrow with one of my fellow trainees. I was saying how it kind of felt like the first day of school. Picking out your outfit for the day, getting your supplies together, feeling a bit nervous. And she stated how she felt a little like we were joining a sorority or a secret society.

It does feel a little like we are training to be in the insider's club. Learning all of the secrets.

I'm feeling just...I'm not sure how I am feeling. Excited, a bit nervous. A bit ambivalent. Maybe even a little disbelieving.