Tough day three...I thought I had said all their was to say and then found out there was so much more that I cannot even begin to put words to.
Losing my shit. Falling into plain view going nowhere not coming full circle.
sigh, after such a rough day I have a headache the size of mount rushmoor and I just want the music to stop, want our company to go home. want to get out and into my head, my heart. pounding resistance between my eyes. when will I learn acceptance. of all that she is. I fell out of class tonight wrapped my arms around my EC best friend and sobbed. I don't think I have felt that miserable during class in a long long time. stuck and stagnant. nothing working. but following Ms Suave's guidance as i try to find my way into my body, my heart. do i live in sadness, i want to jump ahead and just figure it out. but i cannot think my way there. and these days i can't even put words to what I am actually feeling when I dance. Other than an unbearable tightness locked just at the bottom of my ribs. in my sternum almost. so much frustration in not being able to read into it. explain it.
i feel like she doesn't want to accept her limitations anymore than i do. find a way to be private while still being seen. allowing others to witness...
breathing deeply did not come easily or maybe even at all today. my dance was..lacking. Lacking in release mainly.
Losing my shit. Falling into plain view going nowhere not coming full circle.
sigh, after such a rough day I have a headache the size of mount rushmoor and I just want the music to stop, want our company to go home. want to get out and into my head, my heart. pounding resistance between my eyes. when will I learn acceptance. of all that she is. I fell out of class tonight wrapped my arms around my EC best friend and sobbed. I don't think I have felt that miserable during class in a long long time. stuck and stagnant. nothing working. but following Ms Suave's guidance as i try to find my way into my body, my heart. do i live in sadness, i want to jump ahead and just figure it out. but i cannot think my way there. and these days i can't even put words to what I am actually feeling when I dance. Other than an unbearable tightness locked just at the bottom of my ribs. in my sternum almost. so much frustration in not being able to read into it. explain it.
i feel like she doesn't want to accept her limitations anymore than i do. find a way to be private while still being seen. allowing others to witness...
breathing deeply did not come easily or maybe even at all today. my dance was..lacking. Lacking in release mainly.
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